Fear.

I've always been a worry-wort. Always. This week, in fact this entire month; I've been confronting a lot of my fears. Not only have I been able to reflect upon how I feel after I conquer things that I was afraid of, but I've also watched my son overcome some fears of his own.

So, why am I such a worrier? Maybe it has something to do with how I was raised? There is no one more paranoid than my grandmother. I love her, and  I don't want to speak negatively of her, but geez, does she know how to think of the worst possible outcomes for any situation. My dad, likewise; was always lecturing me of all the horrible things that could happen in any situation. Now, there is a difference between being aware of a situation, and obsessing to a point where you can't enjoy yourself. It has taken several years to gradually step out of my "comfort zone". I would say that I'm at a point in my life now where I'm not as paranoid. I'm always aware of what is going on around me, but I don't view everyone as "out to get me". I've become more adventurous and spontaneous, as well. So, why? Why do I still freak out over situations that I think I will fail at? My current fear: failure. Lately, this fear has prevented me from wanting to move to NY (what if I couldn't adjust?), getting on the subway (what if I got lost?), parallel parking my car (what if I couldn't do it?), or driving through the city (what if I wrecked the car?).  Well, I will have you know, that I've done all of those things. I've adjusted to NY life. I love living in an apartment, walking everywhere, and I'm even used to rude people. I've traveled on the Subway without getting lost. I drove through Manhattan, and  I did great. As of yesterday, I had my first lesson parallel parking my car! Guess what? I did it. ((Thanks to the help of Jenny, my neighbor on my floor)). When I came back from parking the car, my husband gave me a lecture on how I always tell myself that I can't  do something, when I actually can. Yes, I used the word "lecture", because we've had this discussion several times. You know what? I'm thankful that he "lectures" me. He is right, I'm way more capable of overcoming things than I think I am. After reflecting on my parking experience, something "clicked". I'm going to make a vow with myself to not let my fears hold me back. In other words, 

I'm not going to fear change. 

I'm going to change my fears. 

I'm also not going to encourage my kids to be fearful. I've watched Allen overcome some of his fears this month too. Allen has always been nervous to climb up the bars on a jungle gym. I finally encouraged him enough times, that he decided to do it. Watching his expression once he conquered his fears was priceless. He also has been working on trying new foods. If you know anything about my son, you know that he is very particular about the texture and colors of foods he will eat. I will have everyone know, that Allen tried a mango this week, and he loved it! He was also able to try cauliflower too.  While he didn't care for the cauliflower, I'm so proud he was brave enough to feel it, touch it, and taste it. Go, Allen! 

Today, I encourage each one of you to think about what exactly is holding you back from doing something? Remember, do not let fears choose your destiny. 

~A