Fear.

I've always been a worry-wort. Always. This week, in fact this entire month; I've been confronting a lot of my fears. Not only have I been able to reflect upon how I feel after I conquer things that I was afraid of, but I've also watched my son overcome some fears of his own.

So, why am I such a worrier? Maybe it has something to do with how I was raised? There is no one more paranoid than my grandmother. I love her, and  I don't want to speak negatively of her, but geez, does she know how to think of the worst possible outcomes for any situation. My dad, likewise; was always lecturing me of all the horrible things that could happen in any situation. Now, there is a difference between being aware of a situation, and obsessing to a point where you can't enjoy yourself. It has taken several years to gradually step out of my "comfort zone". I would say that I'm at a point in my life now where I'm not as paranoid. I'm always aware of what is going on around me, but I don't view everyone as "out to get me". I've become more adventurous and spontaneous, as well. So, why? Why do I still freak out over situations that I think I will fail at? My current fear: failure. Lately, this fear has prevented me from wanting to move to NY (what if I couldn't adjust?), getting on the subway (what if I got lost?), parallel parking my car (what if I couldn't do it?), or driving through the city (what if I wrecked the car?).  Well, I will have you know, that I've done all of those things. I've adjusted to NY life. I love living in an apartment, walking everywhere, and I'm even used to rude people. I've traveled on the Subway without getting lost. I drove through Manhattan, and  I did great. As of yesterday, I had my first lesson parallel parking my car! Guess what? I did it. ((Thanks to the help of Jenny, my neighbor on my floor)). When I came back from parking the car, my husband gave me a lecture on how I always tell myself that I can't  do something, when I actually can. Yes, I used the word "lecture", because we've had this discussion several times. You know what? I'm thankful that he "lectures" me. He is right, I'm way more capable of overcoming things than I think I am. After reflecting on my parking experience, something "clicked". I'm going to make a vow with myself to not let my fears hold me back. In other words, 

I'm not going to fear change. 

I'm going to change my fears. 

I'm also not going to encourage my kids to be fearful. I've watched Allen overcome some of his fears this month too. Allen has always been nervous to climb up the bars on a jungle gym. I finally encouraged him enough times, that he decided to do it. Watching his expression once he conquered his fears was priceless. He also has been working on trying new foods. If you know anything about my son, you know that he is very particular about the texture and colors of foods he will eat. I will have everyone know, that Allen tried a mango this week, and he loved it! He was also able to try cauliflower too.  While he didn't care for the cauliflower, I'm so proud he was brave enough to feel it, touch it, and taste it. Go, Allen! 

Today, I encourage each one of you to think about what exactly is holding you back from doing something? Remember, do not let fears choose your destiny. 

~A

Goals.

BECAUSE THE BATTLE OF YOUR MIND WILL BE YOUR BIGGEST OPPONENT. 

As some of you may or may not know, before we moved to New York my doctor told me that I was a pre-diabetic. What does this mean? According to the American Diabetes Association, a person has prediabetes when "...a person's blood glucose levels are higher than normal but not high enough to be type 2 diabetes. People with prediabetes are more likely to develop type 2 diabetes and may have some problems from diabetes already". 

 I wasn't really surprised at the news. I felt horrible for months. I had terrible headaches, stomach aches, dizziness, thirstiness, and moodiness. There were several contributing factors that put me in the category of now being at risk for diabetes. For one, I'm overweight. For my height, I need to be in the 110-120 lbs range. I was not exercising enough, nor did I maintain a healthy diet. I felt disgusting. Worse, I did not like the person that looked back at me in the mirror. I love ice cream, cookies, and carbs. Oh, do I love carbs. However, I wanted to feel "normal" again. What happened to me? Where was energy? Why was I not happy with myself? I was making the choice to live an unhealthy lifestyle. When my glucose test results came back, I made a vow to myself to try to be a healthier person. 

It took about a month to really make the changes to my diet that I needed to. Moving to New York, has been such a wonderful thing, because I don't have the access to as many fast food options. Likewise, I've been forced to walk everywhere. Recently, I went to a doctor here in NY, and to my surprise I've lost thirteen pounds since I've been here. THIRTEEN! Not only do I walk everywhere, but I have signed up for a gym membership. My doctor also suggested doing the Atkins diet. Okay. So, I bought a book. It's been hard cutting the amount of carbs I was used to eating. However, I feel like I have more energy. I haven't had a horrible headache or stomach ache in weeks. I no longer feel "sluggish". I'm starting to look like me again. 

I'm writing this post in hopes to encourage others not to give up on being a healthier person. It is not easy. There will be times that having a cookie or a slice of pizza will happen. Remember, making the choice not to do anything, is still a choice. 

So, today, I choose to continue to be a healthier person. I choose to reach my goal of losing ten more pounds. I feel like writing it on my blog will make me more accountable. Please, feel free to post encouraging words. I could use a little "boost" right now. Also, feel free to share your fitness goals with me! Together, we can encourage each other. 

Wish me luck, 

-A

For more on diabetes visit this link.

For more on the Atkins diet visit this link.

Love.

Black Friday 2007, I said "yes"! 

It is hard for me to believe that five years ago, Daniel and I spent our first Thanksgiving together. We both spent Thanksgiving in Raleigh, NC. It is one of my fondest memories. Every year, on Thanksgiving and the day after; I can't help but remember our first Thanksgiving together. Here are some pictures:

At dinner. Our Thanksgivings are a little on the non-traditional side. Every year since, I make ribs for Thanksgiving.

Our Black Friday deals? My ring. It is in his pocket.

Me by the Christmas tree. I'm pretty sure I insisted we take these pictures.

After he asked me to marry him at the skating rink. :)

I have a confession...part of me wishes I could back in time and re-live the past five years. There would be so many things I would do and say differently. If given the chance, I would love you more (if that is even possible?!), I would try to be more understanding of you, and I would taste my words before spiting them out. I'm not a very understanding person when things don't tend to go my way. I can also be rather moody. My poor husband is the one that has to deal with my moods, my complaining, and my ups and downs. For that, I'm thankful for his understanding. I hope he knows how much I love him. I hope he knows how proud I am of his accomplishments, and the type of father he is to our children. I love you, Daniel. I hope you love me just as much as the day you asked me to marry you. I know, if given the opportunity; I'd do it all over again. Thankfully, we have a lifetime to love, learn, and laugh together.