Monday, June 10, 2013

Are YOU Making An Effort?

As I type this I am doing laundry. Blah. What a fun thing to do on a Sunday. (not really) I don't enjoy doing laundry anytime during the week here. I would much rather have my own washer and dryer in my own space. Oh well, I should at least be thankful that I can wash my laundry, so I need to stop complaining. The complaining shall stop now. 

Anyways, last night I watched He's Just Not That In To You. How many of you have seen it? I don't care if you are happily married, in a relationship, single, whatever...every female needs to watch this movie. After watching this movie it  opened my eyes to a lot of things.

 1)I need to stop leading others on in terms of how I might feel about them. I'm not just talking about my feelings with guys here. I am talking about my feelings with my friendships in general. I am way too nice. I am always too concerned about hurting people's feelings. Why should I go out of my way to make sure the other person doesn't get their feelings hurt? Because in the end, the person that suffers the most is myself. 

 2) When someone no longer wants to be my friend or they put a distance between Why should it matter so much to me? Am I being a good friend by seeking them out by making sure they are doing okay? Or am I being a pain in the ass by bugging them? Probably the second one. Plus, they are the one being the bad friend. I should deserve a friend that wouldn't think to leave my side in the first place, right?

 3) I realized that a lot of my past friendships and relationships have evolved because I was the one that sought out the other person. When this happened I've been miserable, unhappy, and each time the relationship/friendship has failed. Do I have bad judgment? Eh, it is just what I am seeking is not necessarily healthy. However, the people that seek me out, those relationships have flourished. They are beautiful, and they are exactly what I've needed in my life. Now, readers, I know some of you are probably sitting here trying to determine which one of these friendship/relationships you are. Please, don't.  If you really are that concerned about where our friendship stands,  you can message me. ;) 

I found this quote from the movie:

This is my favorite quote because of the last line " never gave up hope". Each of us refuses to give up the hope to find happiness. I am learning that that happiness can not come from anyone else but myself. No one can provide me that happiness. Happiness is able to found. We are just looking in the wrong place. We have to love ourselves before anyone can love us. Moving here my life has changed tremendously. I feel like the last six months has been such a pivotal turning point in my life, because as mentioned in my last post I have really questioned who I want to be and what direction I want my life to take. I feel as if a lot of people don't realize that they have so much power in making these changes in their life. I also feel like disconnecting myself from everyone as much as I can has really helped me make healthy determinations for myself in terms of what I really want. I haven't known how to not take everyone's opinions and comments so seriously. I've really needed to decide what Ashley wants in life. Sometimes I felt so overwhelmed by what others would think, that I couldn't even purchase my own clothes I wanted to wear without consulting with others first. hat is just one little example. Let me tell you how much of a relief I feel now that I have my own sense of self to feel like I can freely make my own choices. I know. Crazy, huh? Some of you might not have had any idea I battled with this. But guess what? I did. Confidence is a beautiful thing. Don't ever let your confidence lose its "sparkle".

Basically, my self revelation is...going forward I am not going out of my way to make an extra effort to go about and beyond to be super spectacular. It sounds harsh. I need a break.  Whenever any of my girlfriends come to me for words of wisdom when it comes to guys, I will direct them to the movie I just watched. Really...go watch it! Same when they complain to me about their friends...why put in the effort? If someone really wants to be your  friend they will be your friend. The end. Right? If someone really cares for you they will contact you, right? 

Basically, what I am trying to say in all relationships/friendships some good advice to think about:

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