I really think I’ve found the place where I belong. It has been almost a year since we set out on the road to come to New York. I remember how nervous I was of the unknown. Many people reassured me that I would be okay, that I would find my place here, and I would make new friends. Yeah, yeah, yeah…I knew all of that. New York just seemed so BIG.
New York is not for everyone. It is a lot to take in. There is always something new to see, and always so many people. I’ve never felt so small in my entire life. When I say small, I mean in terms of significance. It is like am just another person crowding the sidewalk and breathing air.
Since we are half way through July, I thought it would only be appropriate to check in on my yearly goals. Can you believe that 2013 is almost over? Okay, so, here is my list of resolutions I made for 2013. Ha, I made 13 goals…
1. Continue to update this regularly. I think I need to work on this one…
2. Grow out my hair. Yeah, I know. Silly. You don't understand how obsessed I am with cutting my hair though. It is ridiculous. I miss my long hair. And…FAIL.
3. Start school this year. I keep going back and forth on if I want to start online classes in spring, or if I want to wait and enroll in classes this fall. Along with this goal, I want to make my final decision on what I want to major in. So far, I have managed to not change my mind for about six months, but I have two majors that I'm equally interested in. I got accepted into Saint Johns! My life plan in this area has been consistent! I really want to thank Alex for being such an inspiration and someone who has motivated to never give up on what I need to accomplish for myself. She reminded me the sky is the limit, and where there is a will there is a way. I also want to thank Brittany for the endless times I came to her with the “can you edit this?”, and she would happily do so without hesitation. Thanks, ladies.
4. Keep up my healthy eating and exercising. I've lost twenty pounds. Only ten more to go until I am at my target weight! This has been important to me, because of the pre-diabetes concern. I could be better on the healthy eating aspect of this goal. I could also probably be more active. Okay, fine...I need to work on this. But, I have met my goals. My weight was really impacting my self-image. The past six months my self-confidence has grown in ways I cannot even describe. This doesn’t just have to do with my weight. I don’t want people to think that in order for people to have self-confidence they need to be skinny. I feel like I took on a lot this this year in terms of personal goals (which isn’t surprising I normally do that). I’ve not only been working on a lot of things that emotionally impact my self-confidence, but physically it is important to be able to look in the mirror and be able to love the person that looks back you. Someone reminded me that self-confidence is a tricky thing. If you don’t have it; you should still fake it. People will believe in you more the more self-confidence you have. True. It also goes the same in relationships. You can’t fully love others before you love yourself.
5. Continue to set boundaries and communicate what I want with others. I work on this every day. Each day it gets easier being more straight-forward and making decisions. Sometimes I feel like I am being very blunt. Honesty is the best way to go though, right? Take it or leave it; if you don’t like what I have to say then walk away. If you walk out of my life that is fine. My life will continue. I don’t want people to think I am being blinkered y the concerns of others. I will always listen to others and talk through a concern.
6. Read 50 books this year. Feel free to send me suggestions. Uh…working on it…
7. Write a letter to three different family members and three different friends every month. Yeah, FAIL. I do well if I can remember to call people back. Did I mention I have struggled with short-term memory issues? Yeah. Don’t it personally.
8. Find an organization to volunteer for within the community. I forgot about this one. I do try to do random acts of kindness whenever I can though.
9. Go on a date with my husband once a month. Even if that means we sit at home and watch a movie. We’ve been out a couple times. We do try to spend more time together.
10. Take the boys to do something new in the city (go to museum, central park, Lego Land, etc.) once a month. Yes! I can say I’ve taken them to do something new every month.
11. Start writing a novel. Ha, maybe this is a waste of time, but I feel like I have so many wonderful experiences I could share. Oh, yes. I’ve been working on this. I got half way through, and then decided it needed to take a different direction. The new one I am working on is so much better. Scandalous. Mysterious. Lustful. Flirtatious. Filled with pain, self-discovery, and the thrill of the unknown. I love it. Do I have your attention? Bet you want to read it.
12. Laugh more and have fewer expectations of how I think everything should be. I guess, work on accepting situations, forgiving, and learning from experiences. I am getting better at this.
13. Patience. I could use a lot of that! Yeah, still working on this, but I think patience isn’t such a challenge for me. I actually think should be replaced with impulsivity. Wow, can I be impulsive. Is it something a twenty-something year old just naturally executes in every situation? The need to be impulsive. Yeah, I have to constantly keep myself in check on this one. Well, I guess patience comes in to play in this mix.
So where has New York played into helping me reach these goals? Well, it amazes me that I feel like we are placed in places where we need to be whether we want to be there or not. When I first moved to NC, I couldn’t imagine staying there. However, it was a good taste of being away from home, establishing independence of myself, and learning that I am capable of taking care of things by myself. It was exactly what I needed in my life. It was a place that wasn’t overwhelming. I felt safe. I was able to really start to question what type of friends I wanted in life and what type of person I wanted to be.
When we moved back to Missouri, I felt lost. I felt like my identity had been taken away from me. I was no longer a Marine wife, I no longer had my group of friends, I no longer had my house, and the way of life in Kansas City was just different in Missouri. Life was faster. I had gotten used to things being much slower pace. Obviously when it was confirmed we were moving to New York I was excited for a change, but so shocked. I was going from a little tiny town(Havelock), to Kansas City which was a good size, to a city with tons of people. Everything I mentioned on my list of things I want to change, New York has been to influence me in some way. While I might not have been able to grow out my hair, I was able to have the confidence to try something new and not only cut it, but color it blonde! I personally think it is very New York chic! I wouldn’t have met some amazing people to have inspired me to reach my goals. I also wouldn’t have unlocked this amazing opportunity to attend Saint John’s University. I can’t believe in January I will have two years until completing my degree in Biology. Is this real? Someone pinch me! New York inspires me to want to read more, learn more, and be more informed of the world around me. Especially because of the different cultures of people that I come in to contact on a daily basis. New York has opened my eyes to how important it is to be humble about the life you have. I have seen so many different types of people. I have also met so many different people that have many different life stories. It makes me respect their life challenges, and it makes me appreciate people more. You don’t know what someone else is going through. Therefore it is important to smile more, speak kindly to others, and sometimes just do a random act of kindness. It can be something very small. You never know how much a person might need that smile, those kind words, or that little extra something to lift them up. New York has taught me that the sky is my limit. Wow. So many positive, talented, and confident people. If I want to write a book, why not? New York has taught me to laugh. You never know what to expect here. Oh, and patience…traffic. Enough said.
Oh, New York, I love you.
Your Newest New Yorker with Kansas City blood pumping through her veins (well, is it official? Or do I have to wait for the year mark? Whatever, I am claiming you. Oh, and that Kansas City blood makes for a little extra sassiness and spice. After all, you never forget where you come from),
p.s--Decided to add some pictures to the post. My transformation in pictures (below)...It is really weird to look at pictures of myself. Wow. I don't even look like the same person. Not long ago (and literally, I mean like six weeks ago) I was telling one of my close friends that I felt like I didn't look different at all. I guess when you are going through a change you don't notice it, because it is gradual? Okay, yeah...so maybe I do look a little different.
|When we first moved here..|
|When we first moved here...|
Words for Thought...